I have a vivid memory of a conversation with my mom when I was a teenager. I was probably about 16. She was talking to me about priorities. As she described it, God was at the top – no other priority in life could come above or before him. He held every trump card. Below God came family. Family was more important than anything else in life, except God, of course. Third on the rung was work. Work was important but could not take priority over family or God.
My mother’s description of how a Christian should prioritize her life was not new to me. I had heard this schema countless times in chapels and church services and youth group meetings. God at the top. Then family. Then work. Simple.
Only, for me, it wasn’t simple. And it wasn’t simple for the hundreds of other missionary kids and pastors’ kids I knew.
For the children of parents who have devoted their lives to Christian service, this formula does not ring true. If God is your work, then work and God become uncomfortable bedfellows at the top of your priority ladder. Suddenly work now holds all the trump cards and God becomes an excuse, a means of justifying workaholism.
And where is family? Sitting at the bottom hoping to eat the crumbs that fall from the master’s table.
In this particular conversation with my mother, I pushed back. I did not want to be relegated to the bottom of her priorities. And the reality was, she could talk till she was blue in the face, but she and my father did not live this way. God was work and work was family and family was God. It was mixed up and messy; the imaginary lines blurred all the time.
Just as they should have.
Because, as I told her in my not so tactful teenage way – she was wrong. God was not cloistered at the top. He was everywhere.
God, I told her, was like a net, a great circle, encompassing everything. If “all things have been created through [Christ] and for [Christ],” and if “in him all things hold together”, I don’t think a neat and tidy line can be drawn delineating “this top section belongs to God, this next section belongs to family, and this last section belongs to work.” All things are in and through and for him.
If they’re not, we have a problem.
What happens if my neighbour shouts to me from across the road while I’m gardening with my daughter and needs me to come watch his children while he takes his son for an emergency dental appointment (true story)? What do I do? If family is second priority and neighbour doesn’t appear on the ladder, shouldn’t I say no and put my daughter first by keeping the promise I made to her that we would water the garden together? On the other hand, if family is second and God is first, shouldn’t I break my promise to my daughter and help my neighbour? Do you see my point? This ladder of priorities doesn’t work.
Jesus said, “Love God. Love neighbour.” Period. To love God is to always do what is best for my family, which might not be what they want at the time. To love God is to act with integrity at work, which sometimes means putting in extra hours. To love God is to serve my neighbour, even when it costs me time, energy, and money. To love God is to trust that he has my best interest at heart and that his Holy Spirit will help me make good decisions when faced with competing demands. And there’s the heart of it. A Christian can’t compartmentalize her life. She can’t make a rule book that will answer her every scenario. She has to walk in step with the Spirit.
And she has to walk in step with the Spirit in community. It’s our community that will encourage us when we’re feeling overwhelmed, pick up the slack when we’re exhausted, and ask us the hard questions when our lives begin to fall out of balance.
So, no, mom. We don’t have a descending order of priorities in life. We have one priority – God. And he holds and orders all the rest in his perfect, loving way. And, surprise, surprise, he even puts US on the list! He loves my family more than I ever can. He values my work more than I do. He places my neighbours around me for reasons only he knows. And at the end of the day, he cares about how I’m feeling. All things are sheltered in him.